December '23

We in Sockshire believe that socks should play a more active role than just a visually symbolic one. Unfortunately, some of the more interesting roles have already been taken. Mistletoe, for instance, serves a purpose that would have been ideal for socks. Hot kisses (rather than embers) bringing luck and love from underneath a mistlesock would affirm the position of Christmas as the quintessential holiday. However, as it is, we must look elsewhere.

Socks could take on a “ritualistic” role as for example apple-slicing, slipper-throwing or lead-casting do in Slavic cultures. Those traditions are forms of divination, which is convenient because predicting the future without any guarantee regarding accuracy comes easily to a sock.

My suggestion would be as follows: On Christmas Day, every family member will empty the contents of their sock drawer into  a receptacle with a volume of about 10 pints. If the socks overflow the receptacle, their owner must choose one of the designs.

Afterwards, the sock clairvoyants (or “psockics", as they are not called but should) will shuffle the selected sock designs and draw a winner. The appearance of that sock will then determine what the winner’s upcoming year will look like. Beautiful, bright-colored socks are of course welcomed heralds of positive news and it gives me pleasure to know that Sockfellows do have a leg up in this prophesying exercise. Obstinate owners of black-socks-only can perhaps seek consolation in the fact that low expectations are relatively easy to exceed.